If I had a Laser Gun

I could solve a lot of trials,
Clear out all the aisles,
When my flight is done.
And I wouldn't mind a-flyin
Cause I'd never see a line
If I had a laser gun.

I'd be a costume contest stinter,
Approved by Ruth Fink-Winter,
Awards; I'd have a ton.
And performing wouldn't chafe me,
I'd just have to use the safety,
If I had a laser gun.

I'll start to get the parts
From the local hardware store.
Anti-matter wouldn't matter anymore
It's a goal worth shooting for.

I'd be gentle and not strident,
Just carry round my trident
In case trouble has begun
I could fix things that make you sick,
(Like go see the Sound of Music)
If I had a laser gun.