"I can't complain, but sometimes I still do"- Joe Walsh, "Life's Been Good"

Today's rant is about stupidity.

Who am I kidding. ALL my rants are about stupidity. My definition of stupidity I imagine is much like yours, which is to say most people I (you) encounter.

This particular case comes not from me, but from a friend named Jim. (but we'll call him "Jim" to preserve his anonyminity)

Jim likes monkeys. That's neither here nor there, and frankly has nothing in the least to do with this story, but there you are.

Jim recently took a trip to Florida. During his travels, he found himself in the need to ask someone a question. So he approached the nearest appropriate person and said-

"Excuse me, may I ask you a question?"

To which the person in question replied-

"I think you mean 'AXE' me a question...."

He didn't know what to say to this. He was caught a touch off-guard... what do you say to someone who has so clearly outlined their own ignorance?

Of course, several insults and general nastiness comes to MY mind for use as suitable replies, but if they expect me to "axe" questions, it's highly doubtful they would even have the IQ points to understand they'd been insulted... whereas an eggplant with less brain would hang their head in shame.

And the scariest part about this story (apart from it being true) is that I've had similar conversations with people, similar situations with which I've dealt... it brings to mind the countless times I give a clerk exact change and find their dumbfounded faces looking at me blankly over the register.

The time I went to the doctor's for a sprained ankle... and after 20 minutes of yanking, pulling, and twisting it as I screamed in pain, the doctor confidently pronounced that I had a sprained ankle. I should have asked him for the lottery numbers, he was such a f*cking prophet.

Yes, morons and imbeciles are an everyday part of our life. They crowd the streets, they clamor to the express lanes in the supermarkets with two months worth of groceries... a check and no license and then demand to see the manager and waste MORE time. They haggle for higher percentages off of 90% discounted items because they are chipped, or missing a piece. They need ALL your time, if you are a clerk in a service job, and complain if you don't play a one-man game of twister to hand them their whims on a silver platter while kissing their ass and standing on your head. (left foot green....)

So where do they come from? Why are they here? Is it some sort of cosmic joke played at our expense?

My theory is this: You can't be REALLY happy... until you've been REALLY pissed off. You can't enjoy a vacation if you're not getting AWAY from something.

So I declare a salute to all the flipping idiots in the world. Thanks to them, I can enjoy my days off. Thanks to them I can feel superior for a few seconds as they display their inferiority to the world.

And I have NO doubt in my mind that they will continue to do exemplary work, en masse.