"I can't complain, but sometimes I still do"- Joe Walsh, "Life's Been Good"

Today's rant should be a whole lot of fun.

Grab yerself a pillow and get comfy, kids, cause it's gonna be one hell of a ride.

Bit of background first: the cast I am currently on recently had a brief run of shows at a theater in Washington, DC. The place is a rather high-scale arthouse... not the sort of place you'd generally imagine Rocky doing altogether well at. However, for the four or so shows we did- we did rather well. If we didn't sell out every show, we came damn near to it.

So after the shows were done, and we left and so on, we find out that someone else is going to have a show there. And the person who is in charge of this whole shindig did a basic call-to-arms of RHPS cast members in the area to try and get a few cast members for this show.

Well, most of the people willing or able to do shows in this area are on our cast. And have quite had it with the theater in question.

But the more things go on, and the closer they get to a start date, the more blazingly ridiculous this whole affair seems to be.

Let's begin with something incredibly hysterical.

The show costs 15 dollars to get in. (Assuming you buy a ticket in advance) The price escalates to 20 if you show up at the door.

Referencing their FAQ:

>WHY ARE YOUR TICKET PRICES SO F%#@ING HIGH?!

One Word: Overhead. Just the rental for the theater space & the liscensing for film cost over $1500. That dosen't include the cost for costumes, props, security, printers fees, cleanup, etc.

We are a first time production. We don't have the benefit of seed money or sponsers that many older casts have. We also don't have any financial assistance from the theater or an SGA. All of the funds for this came out of the pockets and savings accounts of castmembers.

Given the cost of seeing a movie in a regular theater ($10 or more in some places), and our additional overhead, we feel that our ticket pricing is fair. However, we do hope to be able to charge less for future productions.

Allow me to BEGIN to point out the inaccuracies of the previous statement. Of course, the quicker among you will have already begun to do so.

Overhead??? What in bloody hell is overhead? The only thing overhead in a rocky show should be the ceiling. Unless you're in Allentown.

Seed money? Sponsors?? Who the hell has these things? What do you think we are, the walk for the cure??

And if this cast has rented a theater and paid for the rights to the film out of their pockets... well then, they deserve to be broke and playing to an empty house.

I've spent hundreds of dollars on my Riff costume. Over the course of 8 YEARS. Haven't these people ever heard of thrift shops??!?!

> Which version of the film are you using? The original, superheroes, or re-
> release?

We will be showing the UK version w/ Superheros in 5.1 from the DVD.

The "UK" version? I beg your pardon??

This would be the ORIGINAL version of the film. The only difference is the 5.1 mix of the sound. Which, naturally... should be the original monoraul. </mono fan>

It is called the "UK Version" on the DVD because Lou Adler hates Superheroes. Always has, always will. And he has attempted numerous times to make everyone forget that it ever existed.

And apparently, with these people he's done an admirable job.

After much peppering to return 'Superheroes' to it's rightful place in the film, he finally relented... but made it so that you have to manually CHOOSE it to be branched in every sodden time you pop the disc in.

So much for convenience.

Oh, and "Superheroes" is spelled with an "e".

> How extensive of costuming and props are you guys doing?

It is up to the individual castmember to provide their own "Basic" costume.
Some items (the Spacesuits and other more complicated items) will be tackled by the "yet to be formed" Trojan Whores Sewing Circle. Props will be handled by the Tech staff, and will be pretty "bare bones" or "minimalist" (i.e., we WON'T be driving a Harley down the isle like at The Key). However, if anybody has extra props, costumes or etc. laying around that they want to donate or lend to the production, we aren't going to turn them down (Email
S-a--D--e@aol.com with a list of items you have available).

Not being an Eddie nut, I don't know for sure but... is a Harley supposed to be accurate? Wasn't it a Honda?

Eddies? What's the scoop here?

Either way... wasn't there that bit about costuming being so incredibly expensive that they have to jack up the ticket price to compensate for everyone's hardship??

That dosen't include the cost for costumes, props, security, printers fees, cleanup, etc.

Why yes. Yes there was.

So we've jacked up the price to cover the "Basic" costumes the cast members are expected to provide.

Ah. It all makes sense to me now.

(Yes, kids. That's that "sarcasm" thing you've heard so much about.)

> Will you have preshows?

AT THIS TIME: The actual preshow will only be 5 minutes. It will basically be a briefing of the rules, what to expect, etc. We are looking into the possibility of having a whole "pre-party" at one of the local dance parties earlier in the week with contests, prizes, and etc.

We will be having a Wrap Party (or is it a "Post Show"... "Warp Party" , maybe?) the following night at Midnight (www.dcmidnight.com), a weekly dance party held at The Meeting Place every Saturday. Cover will be $5 ($1 off w/ your Rocky Horror ticket stub).

It is simply amazing that it's cheaper to go clubbing than to go to Rocky Horror. I'm sorry, I just don't have anything to say to this.

As for the pre-show...

THAT IS NOT A PRESHOW!!!!

A preshow is entertainment. A preshow is something done to get the audience geared up for the insanity about to commense. A preshow is NOT reading the rules so you can give your audience a chance to yawn and scratch their collective asses. (Assuming there are any asses in seats at 20 bucks a pop)

For 20 bucks you'd better be doing Fosse choreography and Sondheim lyrics with hydraulic sets. Oral sex should be provided by attractive cast members on all members of the audience. (Assuming you HAVE attractive cast members)

You should provide dinner. Babysitting. Down payments. Layaway.

>Will you be checking ID’s at the door? What is the age restrictions?

The venue we will be performing in is a bar. The age restrictions are 18 and up, or "18 to Cum, 21 to Crawl". We will have security (both the bars & our own) on hand to check ID's, as well as handle any problems. Participants of "Minor Problems" will receive one warning, participants of "Major Problems" will be "asked to leave". The difference between a "Minor Problem" and a "Major Problem" will be at the discretion of the security staff, the crew, and the management. Anything illegal (Drugs, Alcohol brought in from
Outside, Underage Drinking) will constitute a "Major Problem". We aren't trying to be hardasses, buzzkills, or killjoys, but we aren't trying to lose Rocky again, either.

Not much snarkiness to add to this, as it's a valid point. If there is a bar, there shouldn't be minors. No room to argue that, really.

But losing Rocky "again"? Wouldn't that require this cast having a show previous to this?

"I haven't had any. I can't very well have more." - Alice, Alice Through the Looking Glass

> Will you be selling survival packs at the door? If yes, what all will they include? Will you allow people to bring in their own supplies? How will the clean up work? May I recommend leaf blowers.

As of right now (though we reserve the right to change this any god damn time we please): THERE WILL BE NO OUTSIDE AP PROPS ALLOWED! We will be providing BASIC survival packs free with admission.

That's right, ladies and gents! ABSOLUTELY FREE OF ANY CHARGE, we, at our own cost and expense are offering a FREE PROP BAG with your extortionately high ticket price!

THAT'S A VALUE OF OVER 60 CENTS!!

GET YOURS TODAY!!

And now... let's review the cast's rules.

(Doesn't the fun ever stop?? :D)

1) NO REFUNDS!

The only exception is if the show is canceled PRIOR TO DOORS OPENING FOR THE PERFORMANCE!
If this happens, the performance will be rescheduled and
tickets to the canceled show will be honored at that time.

Actually, I think they're pretty safe on this one. If people are stupid enough to pay THAT much money to get in, it's a shoo-in that they're stupid enough to not think of asking for a refund, either.

3) NO THROWING FOOD!

This includes:
- Rice (See Rule #2)
- Prunes (See Rule #2)
- Toast (Ditto)
- Hot Dogs (Isn't Redundancy Great, Boys & Girls?)
- Any Food Products Purchased at the venue
- Etc. Etc. Etc.

(Rule #2 was "no outside props", by the by)

I love Etc, Etc, Etc. It's great with salad and a nice vinagrette.

5) NO THROWING ANYTHING AT THE SCREEN!

If you are in the FRONT - THROW BACK!
If you are in the BACK - THROW FORWARD!
If you are in the MIDDLE - THROW UP!
(Also, be sure not to get anything near the balcony)

At 20 bucks a pop, it's not very likely you're going to get ANYTHING very near the balcony, much less in a seat.

6) (SOMEWHAT) INSIDE VOICES!

There is another movie showing next door.

Shouting out callbacks is OK, making sure Richard O'Brian can hear you all the way across "The Pond" is not. Besides, it's 6am in England. Chances are he is asleep & doesn't want to hear from you anyways.

O'Brien (like "Superheroes") is spelled with an "E". The idea of doing what we do is paying attention to the movie, learning every move, lyric, and credit. His name appears more than any other within said credits. There are lines associated with the number of times it appears.

What in the wide, wide, world of sports is the problem with spelling the man's damned name??

Besides which, there's a 5 hour difference, not six.

This is completely setting aside the fact that one of the major draws of this film is being able to shout rude and often tasteless things at the top of one's lungs.

It always amuses me when some people get annoyed at the yelling because "they're trying to watch the movie".

8) DON'T DO ANYTHING ILLEGAL OR STUPID!

I.E. - No Underage Drinking, No Drugs, No Hurting People, No Breaking Things, Etc.

We will have security at the event, you will be removed if you cause a problem (See Rule #1).

I beg your pardon, but doesn't paying 15 or 20 dollars admission to see a new, inexperienced cast dancing in their underwear in front of a 25+ year old film qualify as stupid?

Are they going to expel the few people that attend?

9) NO DIVAS! NO DRAMA QUEENS! NO BASTARDS OR SONS OF BITCHES!
(There will be enough of them on the stage)

Check your attitudes at the door and be prepared to have fun.
If not, see Rules #1 & #8.

Who else goes to see Rocky?

10) NO BAGS!

They've got enough of THEM on stage, too!

11) NO OPEN FLAMES! (Not to be confused w/ "Openly Flaming", which is OK)

Small Flashlights and Glowsticks are OK, but it's BYO.
(Only exception to Rule #2).

If it's the only exception, wouldn't it make sense to mention it in Rule #2?

Ohhhh... I get it. The need was felt to once again overuse one of the most overused jokes in Rocky. Of course. That warrants an entirely new rule. Silly me.

12) NO INAPROPREATE TOUCHING (WITHOUT PERMISSION)!
NO TOUCHING THE CAST OR CREW (THEY, HOWEVER, MAY TOUCH YOU)!

Get permission before you get TOO friendly with your neighbor. Remember, "No" means "No".

It's worth noting that the second half of this rule (They may touch you) is durned close to causing legal issues.

Laughter at the thought? Ask a Californian.

Bottom line:

20 dollars. 15 dollars. This is way way WAY too much to charge for Rocky Horror. Especially the Rocky Horror *Picture* Show. I can understand a higher price tag on seeing the stage show, as a) that's theatre, b) the show is actually funnier, c) people are WORKING up there, and d) it's not nearly as common.

But "established" casts do NOT have sponsors. They are not given anything on any sort of silver platter, as these people seem bent on making others believe.

I have been involved with Rocky Horror for upwards of eight years now, and have never once made a cent off of it. It costs far more than I could ever hope to get back monetarily. I have never recieved funds to help with a show (not counting the occasional tankful of gas my sympathetic father would buy me so I could make it there- Course, he only did that 'cause he knew I'd bike it if I couldn't DRIVE...)

The "pay" that I get is purely inside. Applause. Doing something I love to do. Being around people I like to be around.

Either these people are incredibly dim, and actually believe that others are going to shell out that much because THEY need to shell out that much (which is a ridiculous notion in and of itself. The mere thought of a cast having to rent a theater and pay for rights makes me pull a very incredulous, very silly looking face indeed), or they are incredible assholes, hoping to make money off of what the rest of us do for the sheer joy of doing it.

Either way I'm amazed, annoyed, and disgusted.

And 20 dollars richer, simply by not going.