The Bookworm, Program 6

While it hasn't been substantiated that this actually "the" Richard O'Brien, I found it one night on one of my crazed searches through search utilities and whatever else happens to come my way. This particular case came from a search on the BBC site. Richard's part is in green, to make it easier to find the section. The whole transcript appears here for purists.

As a footnote: This has been verified to be Richard. With many thanks to Ruth Fink-Winter for the scoop, who was kind enough to remember to ask about things like these when talking to him- unlike me who is always too busy trying to coordinate my tongue to my brain waves. Alas.

BOOKWORM

Transcript - Programme 6

Opening Titles

Opening Music

(APPLAUSE)

GRIFF RHYS JONES:
Hello - and welcome to The Bookworm. And today is very special and indeed a very different programme, because we're going to be bringing you the results of our poll to find the nation's favourite children's book. And this is one of those rare moments where concerned parents can actually say to their children: 'For heaven's sake, stop reading a good book and come and watch the television instead.' I'm going to tell you the results of our poll in just a little while, but first I should remind you that we've held not just one poll but two. One in which the under-16s voted, and one in which the over-16s voted. The perspicacious amongst you may have noticed that actually that means that 16-year-olds themselves don't appear to be able to vote. But that's all right because, of course, it's five o'clock on a Sunday afternoon and they're probably not up yet.

First, I am sure we all have one children's book which holds a special place in our affections. It could be Tom Sawyer, it could be Winnie the Pooh. In my case it's Creative Accountancy. But here now are some of your all time favourites, read by some of my all time favourites.

(MUSIC STING)

Celebrity Favourites

The Wind In The Willows by Kenneth Grahame: '"Nice? It's the only thing," said the water rat solemnly as he leant forward for his stroke. "Believe me my young friend, there is nothing, absolutely nothing half so much worth doing than simply messing about in boats."'

Alice In Wonderland by Lewis Carroll:

'"Well, I'll eat it," said Alice. "And if it makes me grow larger I can reach the key. And if it makes me grow smaller I can creep under the door. So either way I'll get into the garden. And I don't care which happens."

She ate a little bit and said anxiously to herself: "Which way, which way?" holding her hand on top of her head to feel which way it was growing. And she was quite surprised to find that she remained the same size.'

The Tailor Of Gloucester by Beatrix Potter:

'In the time of swords and periwigs and full- skirted coats with flowered lappets, when gentlemen wore ruffles and gold laced waistcoats of paduasoy and taffeta, there lived a tailor in Gloucester. He sat in the window of a little shop in Westcott Street, cross-legged on a table, from morning till dark.'

Biggles Learns To Fly by Captain W.E. Johns:
'Biggles, looking over the side, could see mile after mile of rolling white clouds like great masses of cotton wool, stretching away to the infinite distance where they cut a hard line against the blue sky.'

Where The Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendale:
'And when he came to the place where the wild things are, they roared their terrible roars and gnashed their terrible teeth, and rolled their terrible eyes, and showed their terrible claws.
'Till Mac said: "Be still", and tamed them with the magic trick of staring into all their yellow eyes without blinking once. And they were frightened and called him the most wild thing of all, and made him a king of all wild things.'

(APPLAUSE)

GRIFF RHYS JONES:
The world of children's publishing is sometimes more fascinating and surprising than the children's books themselves. When Beatrix Potter, for example, wrote Peter Rabbit every publisher she sent it to, to begin with, sent it straight back, and in the end she published it at her own expense. To date, Peter Rabbit has sold over ten million copies worldwide. And it all began with one little rabbit, then another little rabbit, and then ten million little rabbits. Well I suppose that's rabbits for you. Anyway, somewhere in the world a copy of Herg&eaxute's Adventures of Tin Tin is being sold every seven minutes. Not this one, honestly, otherwise it would be a little dog- eared, but other copies. But the Boadicea of British children's authors is the eminent Enid Blyton. Miss Blyton, who would have been 100 on August 11, if she'd still been alive, is in fact the best selling English language author of the entire 20th century. In her lifetime she produced more than 700 books and is probably the only author who wrote her books more quickly than most of her readers could actually read them. She still sells eight million books a year, and you'll be interested to know that none of her titles made it into the Top 10 of our polls. But what about authors writing for children today? Let's go over to Newcastle now where Diane Louise Jordan presents her review of one short year in the world of children's books.

(MUSIC)

A Year of Children's Books

DIANE LOUISE JORDAN:
Children's books are more popular than ever. In the last year alone we've spent more than £275 million on them.

1997's best seller is R.L. Stine's spooky Goosebumps tale - It Came From Beneath The Sink - which has sold over 100,000 copies. But it's not just fantasy stories that are topping the children's lists. This year we have bought so many copies of a new children's edition of the diaries of Anne Frank that publishers are claiming it to be the world's best selling non-fictional book after the The Bible. 1997's Carnegie Medal for children's books went to Melvin Burgess for his gritty novel Junk, which has caused controversy with its stark portrayal of young lives mired in drugs. In sharp contrast is Joanne Rowling, who hit the news with an unprecedented six figure advance for her first book Harry Potter And The Philosopher's Stone. Hollywood is now queuing up to make a movie of her tale of wizardry.
The year's saddest news came in March when Reverend W. Audrey, creator of Thomas The Tank Engine, died at the age of 85. Audrey's life long train enthusiasm infected readers from as far apart as Tokyo to Oslo, and the Thomas The Tank Engine books have sold over 10 million copies worldwide since the first one was published in 1946.

Another old favourite is Noddy creator Enid Blyton, who was honoured this month with the unveiling of a plaque at her house. But back to the future, because plans are under way, and hopes are high, that this unassuming site here behind me in Newcastle, and just in the shadow of St. James Park, will soon become home to a fantastic £12 million national centre for the Children's Book.
If the centre does come here it'll house everything from an original Iron Man to artwork by Quentin Blake,
And the first major acquisition for the centre has already been made. This unique archive belonged to Kay Web, the founder of the Puffin Club, and it includes lots of first edition puffin storybooks like this one here, The Little House On The Prairie, as well as letters from writers as diverse as John Betjamin to Roald Dahl.
However, the major event of '97, in our eyes at least, has been our hunt for the Nation's Favourite Children's Book. Your votes have come by phone, by post, and from Waterstone's bookshops.
Along with the poll we also launched a competition asking children to write the blurb - and that's all this stuff on the back of the book - describing their favourite story. Well we've had thousands of entries, and many of them are illustrated. But we have chosen two winners, and to reveal just who those lucky winners are it's over to Griff in the studio.

GRIFF RHYS JONES:
Thank you very much Diane. Well, we split the competition into two by age - under-12s and over-12s. And the two winners are here with us this evening.

(APPLAUSE)

Miriam and Andrew. Right. Now, one of you is over 12 and one of you is under 12. I'm gonna guess that you're over 12, Miriam. So, Miriam, now where are you from?

MIRIAM REEVES:
I'm from a small village in East Yorkshire.

GRIFF RHYS JONES:
Right. And what was the book you wrote about?

MIRIAM REEVES:
I chose to write about The Witches by Roald Dahl.

GRIFF RHYS JONES:
Good. And would you like to read what it was you wrote?

MIRIAM REEVES:
The Witches by Roald Dahl. 'The evil grand high witch wants to completely obliterate every child from the face of the earth by turning them into mugs with her magical potion, formula number 86. And there is only one person who can stop her. When Luke and his grandmother are holidaying at the seaside they inadvertently stumble upon the hideously grotesque witch and her plans. But can Luke stop her in time and foil her sinister scheme?'
Roald Dahl's eerie tale is chillingly superb from start to finish, with an adventurous plot full of unpredictable twists and turns. An absolute must read.

(APPLAUSE)

GRIFF RHYS JONES:
Good. Well done. Well done. Now, Andrew. Andrew, where are you from Andrew?

ANDREW ELLIOTT:
I'm from Ashingdon in Northumberland.

GRIFF RHYS JONES:
Yes, and that's near Newcastle isn't it?

ANDREW ELLIOTT:
Yeah.

GRIFF RHYS JONES:
Yeah, 'cos you told me earlier didn't you? You did. Andrew, what was your book?

ANDREW ELLIOTT:
George's Marvellous Medicine.

GRIFF RHYS JONES:
Right. Will you read us what you wrote?

ANDREW ELLIOTT:
George is getting fed up with his awful grandmother so he decides to make her a new medicine. Brown shoe polish, shampoo and lots of other things go into this marvellous concoction. George can hardly wait till her doze. Grandma goes bonkers when it starts to work, so why don't you try it yourself. The book that is.

(APPLAUSE)

GRIFF RHYS JONES:
Thanks very much. Here we are. Now, we've got two marvellous prizes for both of you. One for you Andrew. And one for Miriam. And it's the Roald Dahl Treasury, which is an anthology of some of the best bits of Roald Dahl's stuff, and with all the illustrations, and they've been signed by the illustrators themselves. So I hope you treasure it. Anyway, thanks very much.

MIRIAM REEVES:
Thank you.

(APPLAUSE)

GRIFF RHYS JONES:
Now, I'm now gonna give you an early result from the polls. Hundreds and hundreds of you voted for the Goosebumps books by R.L. Stine. But there are 43 of them. And the votes were split evenly between them all. And so none of them actually won. But never mind, since it was so popular, here for all Goosebumps fans is a special extract from this year's best selling Goosebumps book - It Came From Beneath The Sink. The reader is Richard O'Brien.

RICHARD O'BRIEN:
The cocker spaniel did seem very interested in something inside the sink cabinet I'd left open. He pulled it out and sniffed. Pushed it with his nose and gave a head tossing growl. "That's weird," I thought. "Killer never growls."

"What do you have there boy?" I called to him.

Sniff, sniff, sniff, growl. It seemed perfectly ordinary - small, round and light brown, a little bigger than an egg. But the sponge had Killer all excited and nervous. The dog danced around it, barking and growling. I snatched the sponge from him to get a better look and my sweet dog tried to bite me.

"Killer!", I yelled, "Bad boy."

He slunk to a corner, and with an embarrassed howl he lay his head down sadly on his paws. I held the sponge up close to my face to study it better. Wow, wait a minute. I suddenly understood Killer's strange behaviour. "Hey Daniel, check it out", I exclaimed. "Wow, I don't believe this."

"Huh? What is it Cat?" Daniel cried.

I stared in shock at the tiny sponge. "Maybe my eyes are playing tricks on me", I muttered, "it's totally weird."

"Oh come on Cat," Daniel insisted, "what is it?"

I studied the sponge some more. "Wow!", I gasped. My eyes weren't fooling me. The round sponge moved in my hand - gently and slowly - in and out - in and out in a lazy rhythm, as if it were breathing. But sponges don't breathe, do they? This one sure did. I could even hear its little breaths.

(MAKES BREATHING NOISES) "Daniel, I...I...I don't think this is just a sponge," I stammered. "I...I...I think it's alive." I tossed it back in the sink cabinet. I admit it - I felt a little scared.

(APPLAUSE)

GRIFF RHYS JONES:
Thank you Richard, and I've got goose pimples on my goosebumps. Now, I'd like at this point to say thank you to all of you who joined in and voted. And the response was truly gratifying. It wasn't only gratifying, it was a relief, because there's nothing worse than holding a poll and getting no votes, as any Conservative will tell you.

Now, all sorts of people sent in votes from all sorts of places. For instance, we got a postal vote for "Dolphin Boy Blue" by Felice Arena from Inge Lindenberger of 2 Cooper Avenue. We got another vote for "Dolphin Boy Blue" by Felice Arena from Dagmar Buckstagen of 2 Cooper Avenue. Well funny enough, there's another vote for "Dolphin Boy Blue" from Ina Horn, from Thirsten Tretow, from Stefi Ries, from Christian Elbred, from Suzanne Horst, and they all live at 2 Cooper Avenue. What's going on at number 2 Cooper Avenue. Well perhaps it's a branch of the Swedish WYC. Actually I think we spotted you number 2 Cooper Avenue. I think you were trying to rig the vote, weren't you? But we sorted you out. Anyway, in a few short moments we'll find out who wrote your favourite children's book. But who wrote the first one? We're going to take a moment to tell you the story of the children's story. Are you sitting comfortably? Then we'll begin.

(MUSIC STING)

A History of Children's Books

GRIFF RHYS JONES:
As long as adults have read, children have been expected to as well. But initially they had to content themselves with instructive matter, like The Bible. In the Middle Ages early horror stories of hell fire and damnation were added to the repertoire. Children's books themselves weren't developed until the mid-17th century. But even then the Token for Children, featuring tales of joyful deaths, were still considered appropriate reading for 10 year olds. The book was published in 1671 and paved the way for hundreds of other Protestant texts. A Little Book For Little Children sounds relatively harmless, but reads like an early version of A Nightmare On Elm Street.

BOY:
'The girl hanged in her mother's hair. Some hanged on tenters. The thousand drowned in a river. Candles made of men's fat, bibles burned.'

GRIFF RHYS JONES:
The idea of reading purely for pleasure was starting to catch on. Orbis Pictus was the first children's encyclopedia. And in 1730 Thomas Boreman's description of Three Hundred Animals brought us the familiar Dromedary, the Camel, the famous Camelopardal and the Manticora. His gigantic histories followed and were the first series of books for children, though they weren't as gigantic as all that. And then came Goody Two- Shoes, a scintillating story of an orphan who devoted her life to goodness after being given a new pair of shoes. Though this moral tale and others that stemmed from it continued to please Victorian parents, Victorian children were also reading fantasies like The Arabian Nights and nonsense verse like Anecdotes of Fifteen Gentlemen.

WOMAN:
'A butcher there was at Athlone From a beggar once asked for a bone But he drove him away with a blow of his tray Oh his heart was as hard as a stone.'

GRIFF RHYS JONES:
And while institutions continued to promote improving stories about respect for elders and kindness to animals, one author at least, Heinrich Hoffman, decided to give kids what they really wanted. "Stuwwel Peter" has been terrifying and delighting children with its mock morals and horrific punishments since 1843. All the ingredients for today's children's books were in place. Education of mind and soul or a comedy, tragedy, fantasy, satire, love, and death. Okay. Now, it's time at last for the results. And first we're going to find out which book the over-16s voted for. And we're going to announce the result in a traditional, slow, suspenseful and highly irritating method known as reverse order. So, here we go. At number 10, a little girl who got her own back, Matilda by Roald Dahl. At number nine, more little girls were growing up fast, Little Women, by Louisa M. Alcott. At number eight, the delicious delights of Charlie And The Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl. At number seven, half daydream, half nightmare, Alice In Wonderland by Lewis Carroll. At number six, a childhood paradise, The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett. At number five, larks on lakes with Swallows And Amazons by Arthur Ransome. At number four, our introduction to Middle Earth The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien.

And now the top three. At number three, the eponomous, the imperious, the inimitable, Winnie The Pooh, written of course by A.A. Milne. At number two, through a secret door to the land of Narnia, with The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis. But what's at number one?

(DRUM ROLL)

Well, the winner of our over-16 poll, the book that adults love the most, is that eternal story of sunny picnics along the riverbank and desperate adventures in the wild wood - The Wind In The Willows by Kenneth Grahame.

(APPLAUSE)

Now just as everyone has their own favourite children's book, so everyone has their own favourite bit of The Wind In The Willows. And I hope we've chosen your favourite bit. We've certainly chosen, I hope, your favourite actor to read it. Here's Martin Jarvis.

(APPLAUSE)

MARTIN JARVIS:
"Look here," said the rat, "if you've really nothing else on hand this morning suppose we drop down the river together and have a long day of it." The mole waggled his toes from sheer happiness, spread his chest with a sigh of full contentment and leaned back blissfully into the soft cushions. "What a day I'm having," he said. "Let us start at once."

"Hold hard a minute then", said the rat. He looped the painter through a ring in his landing stage, climbed up into his hole above, and after a short interval reappeared staggering under a fat wicker luncheon basket. "Shove that under your feet", he observed to the mole, as he passed it down into the boat. Then he untied the painter and took the skulls again.

"What's inside it?" asked the mole wriggling with curiosity.

"Oh there's cold chicken inside it," replied the rat briefly. "Cold tongue, cold ham, cold beef, pickle gherkin salad, French rolls, crest sandwiches, potted meat, ginger beer, lemonade and soda water."

"Stop, Stop," cried the mole in ecstasies, "This is too much."

"Do you really think so?", enquired the rat seriously. "It's only what I always take on these little excursions, and the other animals are always telling me that I'm a mean beast and cut it very fine."

The mole never heard a word he was saying, absorbed in the new life he was entering upon. Intoxicated with the sparkle, the ripple, the scent and the sound and the sunlight, he trailed a paw in the water and dreamed long waking dreams. The water rat, like the good little fellow he was, sculled steadily on and forbore to disturb him. "I like your clothes awfully, old chap," he remarked, after some half a hour or so had passed. "I'm going to get a black velvet smoking suit myself some day, as soon as I can afford it."

"I beg your pardon", said the mole, pulling himself together with an effort. "You must think me very rude but all this is so new to me. So this is a river."

"The river," corrected the rat.

"And you really live by the river. What a jolly life."

"By it and with it and on it and in it", said the rat.

(APPLAUSE)

GRIFF RHYS JONES:
Thank you Martin. Now, a good story is a good story whether you read it in a book or watch it on a screen. BBC Television has adapted a veritable library of classic children's books over the years, and here's just a small sample.

(MUSIC)

Classic Clips
Just William by Richard Crompton, 1995

BOY:
Come on, what happens if someone catches us.

WILLIAM:
That's the whole point about you being a look-out. I'm the one taking all the risks.

BOY:
William.

WILLIAM:
I'm going as fast as I can.

BOY:
William, quick.

WILLIAM:
Stop rushing me. Anyway, Mrs. Boss would only give herself tummy ache if she ate all these. So really we're doing the old battle-axe a favour.

MRS. BOSS:
Old battle-axe!

The Borrowers
by Mary Norton, 1995

V/O:
Ahhh.

BOY:
Why did she do that?

GIRL:
Why do you think?

BOY:
Oh sorry. Is that one your mother?

MAN:
It's the boy.

GIRL:
Yes.

MAN:
Could we have our ceiling back please?

The Chronicles Of Narnia
by C.S. Lewis, 1988

MAN:
And you, you've come from the wild woods of the West.

GIRL:
No. I got in through the wardrobe in the spare room.

MAN:
Wardrobe? Spare room? Oh dear, if only I'd worked harder at geography when I was a little fawn at school. You'll think me very ignorant, but I've never heard of the city of Wardrobe, nor the land of Spare Room.

Swallows And Amazons
by Arthur Ransome, 1963

GIRL:
(BANGING SAUCEPAN) Amazons! That ought to fetch them.

GIRL:
If that doesn't nothing ever will. Come on, let's get into the tent.

BOY:
Come on... keep together. Charge!

The Secret Garden
by Frances Hodgson Burnett, 1975

BIRD (Robin):
(whistles)

GIRL:
Sing it again. Please sing it again.

BIRD:
(whistles)

GIRL:
Perhaps... perhaps you're singing in the garden, the secret garden. Perhaps you're the only one that really knows about it. There must be a door. Somewhere there must be a door.

BIRD:
(whistles)

(APPLAUSE)

GRIFF RHYS JONES:
On now to the most exciting moment of the night - the result of our second poll. This time the voters were all under-16. And here's how they voted.

(MUSIC)

At number 10, twins take on the world with Double Act by Jacqueline Wilson. At number nine, coping with a grim granny, George's Marvellous Medicine by Roald Dahl. At number eight, the gruesome twosome, The Twits by Roald Dahl. At number seven, Roald Dahl again, putting a spell on you with The Witches. At number six, a torrid tale of fruit and fearlessness, James And The Giant Peach by... Roald Dahl. At number five, only a shift of two places from the adult poll, Winnie The Pooh by A.A. Milne. At number four, and in the same position as in the adult poll, The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien. And now the top three. At number three, proving that big is best, Roald Dahl's The BFG. At number two, up from number eight in the adult poll, and making this the author's sixth appearance in the top ten, Roald Dahl's Charlie And The Chocolate Factory. And at number one.

(DRUM ROLL)

In the under-16 poll to find the nation's favourite children's book, now making his incredible seventh appearance in this top 10, it is Roald Dahl, and his heroine for our age, for any age, Matilda.

(APPLAUSE)

Every one of Roald Dahl's books for young readers has been a best seller in Britain and his work has been translated into 35 different languages worldwide. His total sales amount to 28 million. He's clearly a phenomenon. Let's have a quick taste of what makes him so special, and here to read from Matilda - Leslie Ash.

(APPLAUSE)

LESLIE ASH:
The following morning, just before the father left for his beastly second-hand car garage, Matilda slipped into the cloakroom and got hold of the hat he wore each day for work. She had to stand on her toes and reach up high as she could with a walking stick, in order to hook the hat off the peg. And even then she only just made it.

The hat itself was one of those flat top pork pie jobs with a jay's feather stuck in the hat band, and Mr. Wormwood was very proud of it. He thought it gave him a rakish daring look, especially when he wore it at an angle, with his loud check jacket and green tie.

Matilda, holding the hat in one hand and a thin tube of Superglue in the other, preceded to squeeze a line of glue very neatly all around the inside rim of the hat. Then, she carefully hooked the hat back on the peg with the walking stick. She timed this operation very carefully, applying the glue just as her father was getting up from the breakfast table.

Mr Wormwood didn't notice anything when he put the hat back on, but when he arrived at the garage he couldn't get it off. Superglue is very powerful stuff. So powerful it will take your skin off if you pull too hard. Mr Wormwood didn't want to be scalped, so he had to keep the hat on his head the whole day long, even when putting sawdust in gearboxes and fiddling with mileages of cars with his electric drill. In an effort to save face, he adopted a casual attitude, hoping that his staff would think that he actually meant to keep his hat on all day long just for the heck of it, like gangsters do in the films.

When he got home that evening he still couldn't get the hat off. "Don't be silly", his wife said, "Come here I'll take it off for you." She gave the hat a sharp yank. Mr Wormwood let out a yell that rattled the windowpanes.

GRIFF: OOV:
(yelling)

LESLIE ASH:
He screamed.

GRIFF: OOV:
"Don't do that. Let go. You'll take half the skin off me forehead."

LESLIE ASH:
Matilda, nestling in her usual chair, was watching this performance over the rim of her book with some interest. "What's the matter Daddy?" she said. "Has your head suddenly swollen or something?"

(APPLAUSE)

GRIFF RHYS JONES:
Thank you Leslie. And that's it. Many thanks to our guests tonight - Martin Jarvis, Richard O'Brien and Leslie Ash.

(APPLAUSE)

And now it's time to put the Nation's Favourite Children's Book back on the shelf, turn out the light and say goodnight. Goodnight.

(APPLAUSE)
(CREDITS)

If you would like to know about the books we featured this evening you can write to:
The Nation's Favourite Children's Book
BSS PO Box 7
London W12 8UD