-on the set of Shock Treatment

"It's so cool you'll want to take a warm bath with a friend"

-concerning Absolute O'Brien

"All recreational sex is deviant sex, anyway, because it denies the pro-creational imperative. But down in Club Inferno, we do tend to take the moral lowground . . . no juice, you're no use. You're dry . . . bye bye."

-Mephistopholes Smith

"I'm not actually gay, myself. But I fill in on the weekends"

-the Teddy acceptance speech

" . . . and I'd like to have sex with one or two people I've caught sight of"

"  . . . because I' ve got some rather sexy photos, and I like to think about what happens when they fall into the hands of those whose hormones are racing"

-comments from the Virgin.net on-line interview, both of which were eventually censored from their 'official' transcription of the chat.

"When I'm doing my Rock'n'Roll show, I just want people to go home and have sex. That's a standing ovation, isn't it??"

-what he hopes for people after Disgracefully Yours

"Just call my name three times and I'll pop up. And I promise you I WILL fill you in . . . "

Mephistopheles Smith

"Madam, your daughter is a whore!"

Lord Hampton, Revolution

"No, I have a use for her first . . . "

-Mr. Hand, who asks the Strangers to prolong Emma's imprinting . . . er  . . . for a while.

"I like music you can make love to"

-on the sorts of things he likes

"Uh . . . shout if I uh . . . get the wrong thing . . . "

-as he adjusted a harness over a rather tender area of a male contestant on Crystal Maze

"I was born of woman, begat by man, my parents actually, and whilst the battle of sexes has roared on without any sign of cessation, I have been caught between the enemy lines and confined to a life in no-man’s land ever since."

-on the roles of the sexes

"I may be twice your age, child, but I'm VERY well-endowed."

-Pierre Le Pieu, Ever After

"Rock and Roll. Sexy, huh?"

-Just before my "Interview" in California, as Richard played guitar.