(Disclaimer to anyone who may actually be a Spice Girls fan: It's just a website. Deal with it.)

Once upon a time, in a land far, far, away, there lived a tabloid owner. His land had become troubled by a rampaging group of girls who claimed themselves to be singers. To help society at large, he employed the help of a photographer named Damien. Damien was a wonderful fellow, who was incredibly stylish and wore leather jackets with black turtlenecks and wire-rimmed glasses, and a shaved head and some very expensive looking camera equipment and designer diving outfits and a perfect stance and . . . where was I?

Oh yes.

While his Liverpudlian accent was not QUITE on the money, it was still good, as was he.

"VERY good" as the tabloid owner, MacMaxford was heard to utter.

Damien proved his worth to MacMaxford by showing him some rather candid snapshots of him sniffing his own socks earlier that morning. He knew very well that if he were to get this chance to have this job, he would need to be prepared. He knew it for years. And so, while he was still a child, he snapped a picture of his later to be boss kissing a girl behind some bike sheds. A picture he also showed MacMaxford that day. He was duly impressed.

Damien made it his business to destroy these five enemies of the world, who called themselves "The Spice Girls". First, he cleverly hid himself among a plate of fruit. Concealing his true identity had it's good points, for he was able to report the blasphemous ones had questioned the Pope's religion. The Pope himself had no comment, for he was overseeing the Vatican's weekly bingo game. However, the news spread like wildfire.

Not wishing to rest on his laurels, or anything else for that matter, Damien followed the girls to a large mansion where they were staying. Not wishing to be discovered, Damien chose an unconventional means of entry. He came up through the toilet. Stunning effect. He then hid beneath the bed and waited. Nothing interesting happened. So instead he wrote down what they were talking about- that they were nervous.

Again his headline smacked tabloid reading Britain across the face.

Not willing to allow the chance of recovery, he kept up his surveillance of the offenders. While doing so, he witnessed the evil ones throwing small children off a boat to drown. (No, really!!) Naturally, he took pictures and jotted all the neccessary details down. Headlines once again.

But things weren't to be rosy forever. He was seduced by the dark side. Following the girls to a hospital, where they kept murmuring their brain-washing slogans of "Girl Power" and so forth, he became disoriented and ran. He smacked his head into a wall and in the ensuing dizziness, revoked his original mission and instead turned the tables on his caring and devoted boss.