Mephistopheles: It's a bit like a Diana Ross concert, isn't it. Only with a slightly more glamrous lead vocalist. Ok, I'm gonna dish the dirt now, brothers and sisters, yes I am. Gonna dish the dirt-

Gonna tell you about a young man of my acquaintance, gonna call him... Oh... fucked up there...

Gonna call him "Brother X".

(Uh, think we done that one, mate)

Uh... I'm gonna call him "Brother X: The Sequel".

(Good one.)

It's so good to get the weight off your hooves, isn't it. Now, Brother X the sequel... he was invited to a fairly ordinary party. Leastways he thought it was an ordinary party. But when he got there it was Sodom and Gemmorah, brothers and sisters, yes it was. And he stood there, and he looked at the various activities going on around him, and those engaged in them... and he thought "weeell... it's not what I expected, it's not my scene". But he was a man of the world, and he knew himself to be a flawed human being- at least as flawed as the next man- he thought he wouldn't pass judgement, and he also thought "after I have partaken of the blessed weed, maybe my attitude will change."

And so, with that thought in mind he sat down and proceeded to roll himself a big one, yes he did. And as he did so, a large, very large large woman- I'm talking "Call me fuckin' Ishmael" here... Captain Ahab would have been pleased to see her. She had her own carnal needs, and those were the gentlemen she straddled... she happened to look up. And she saw brother X the sequel lighting up the blessed joint and she went "Oh, no, it's not going to be one of THOSE sort of parties, is it?"

Which just goes to prove that one man's meat is another man's oral fixation.

Now I know many of you have fantasized about attending an orgy such as the one I just mentioned. But in reality, you prefer to be an orgy for two, you being fifty percent of that equation. There are others on the other hand, or it may be the same hand, who prefer to be an orgy for one. Brother Onan, you know he loved making love to himself so much, that even when he had a headache he was prepared to fake an orgasm for himself. He was.

That story has a tragic ending too. He was killed by his lover- the mirror fell on him.

But there are others, brothers and sisters, who don't wish to party with any other protoplasmic beings whatsoever. They're waiting for phantom lover to call. You don't believe me, but it's true.. it's true, I've been on call enough times.

(phone noises) Hello, Phantom Lovers, Mephistopheles speaking, how may I help you?

(Well I'm not sure)

Well do you want an incubus, a succubus encounter, or do you just want a heavy supernatural weight on your chest?

(Well, um, what do the last two do?)

Well... succubus sucks. And Incubus, you can work that out for yourself.

(Incubus, thank you)

Yeah... Time?

(Um, 11:30?)

23:30, Location?

(It's 28 West Street, South (?) Do I um, do I have to do anything?)

Yeah, you turn off the light and get your ass in the air, honey.

(How lovely.)

Well I don't know how many of you have actually had an incubus or a succubus experience, but if the thought should drift through your minds in the coming nights, I just got this to say to you:

Tongue me some sax, Brother Jeffery...

Song: Incubus of Love

You don't call me, I've got your number
But you won't see me 'til you slumber
Think of us a blackbird and a dove
Oh let me be your Incubus of Love

If madame is feeling cautious
Drift into the arms of Morpheus
And link us like the hand is to the glove
Oh let me be your Incubus of Love

I'm going to come for you like a thief in the night time
(He's going to creep up to your side)
I'm going to bring relief to you at the right time
(There's no place that you can hide)
Oh let me be the one you're thinking of
Oh let me be your Incubus of Love

I'll be yours until Aurora
Lights the morning with her aura
That rosy fingered nimbus from above
Let me be your Incubus of Love

(He's going to come for you like a thief in the night time)
I'm going to creep up to your side
(He's going to bring relief to you at the right time)
There's no place that you can hide
Let me be the one you're thinking of
Oh let me be your Incubus of love
Oh, let me be your Incubus of love

Mephistopheles: Back on these hooves... they've done a lot of walking, these hooves. They were walking the planet long before the dawn of man. Used to be fields around here... I watched you crawl from the primeval slime, I did... watched you fighting, eating and screwing everything in sight.... so no change there... I saw you change your little gills for lungs, your little fins for legs... scales for fur- you were never happy.

Then you lost the fur... well most of you. With the exception of Brother Ecil and Robin Williams. I want us to say a little prayer now, I wanna say a little prayer, I want you to say after me.

Oh great God
(Oh great God )
Of bodily hair
(Of bodily hair)
Have mercy on Brother Robin
(Have mercy on Brother Robin)
He did shave it off for a movie he made once.
(He did shave it off for a movie he made once.)
And lo,
(And lo,)
It did groweth back again.
(It did groweth back again.)
For gods sakes, fuck sakes give him a break!
(For gods sakes, fuck sakes give him a break!)

Absolutely. Now, about 7 million years ago, you made your great leap. You started your great journey from dumb animal into your own sweet selves. Then along came homo erectus... you'da liked him, he was nice. Cro-Magnon man... he was an ugly fucker. And about 8,000 years ago you started to get really interesting, you started to get things organized, formed a few gangs, yes you did.

I don;t know if you're familiar with the hittites, the Siths, the Mesopotamians... they were crazy guys and I used to hang out with em. I used to run fast and loose. And there was a lot of begatting going on in those days... and I was begatting with the best of em.

But I was younger then... I was weak and easily led. Do you know that no matter how good a time I was actually having at a time, I always believed that somehow there was a better time just around the corner. And looking at your sweet smiling faces I think maybe I'm right.

You see, because the best has yet to come... for me.

Song- The Best has Yet to come

I always get a frisson of excitement
A shiver of sheer ecstasy
When my eyes fall on a thing of enticement
I guess I'm blessed and yes, it's destiny

Like the river flows
restless to the sea
Each and everyone
Has their destiny
Until Kingdom Come
I'll travel endlessly
The best has yet to come for me.
The best has yet to come for me.

So I get up every morning with great pleasure
Say I'm gonna make a happy day
Every moment golden and a treasure
Cause everything will be ok

Like the river flows
restless to the sea
Each and everyone
Has their destiny
Until Kingdom Come
I'll travel endlessly
The best has yet to come for me.
The best has yet to come for me.

Loving secret moment of obsession
When compulsion is a certainty
We feel its pull. We give it full possession
We're fervent servants of diversity

Like the river flows
restless to the sea
Each and everyone
Has their destiny
Until Kingdom Come
I'll travel endlessly
The best has yet to come for me.
The best has yet to come for me.

I keep searching for that paragon
(The cat's meow - the nuts - that plum,
That peach)
With hopeful heart I travel on
Then maybe one Avalon
Will be within my reach

The best has yet to come for me.
The best has yet to come for me.

So distant shores and humble doors I darken
And wait for love to capture me
But I'm not in the market for a bargain
Just wrap me in a Rhapsody

Like the river flows
restless to the sea
Each and everyone
Has their destiny
Until Kingdom Come
I'll travel endlessly
The best has yet to come for me.
The best has yet to come for me.

Mephistopheles: You know you've bowed down before many gods and goddesses over the milennia, indeed you have. Brother Odin, Brother Zeus, Sister Isis... Mother Goose. And I know you still have a soft warm spot in your heart for Brother Cupid and Brother Bacchus, yes you do.

And some of you still hold Brother Priapus as a firm favorite

(Oh yeh)

Indeed, yeah. Well it's your choice. But I have to say there's on Goddess who should always be welcome at a party because what is a party if not a celebration of joy, and I'm talking about the Goddess of joy let's sing her praises.

Gimme a note, Brother David.

Now gimme those drums, Brother Clem.

(sung) Joy (several times over)

You should do that at every party. That would pick the fucking party up wouldn't it? Yes, I think so.

I have to say you have the choice to kneel before any God or Goddess. You can have a personal God of your own choice, you can have many.

I have to say this... I mean thin ones are groovy. But I have to say this... that if you do decide to bow down before a God or Goddess... you have to be absolutely sure you know what you're messing with. Because Gods have their hearts on fire don't they. Sweet Angels, they do.

And if it's all take and no give, you're gonna get yourself into a bit of trouble here... because if I was... if I happen to be by some slight chance... the God of your choice... I would want to ask you a question.

And the question is this.

Ask the question, Sweet Angels of song....

Song: Heart on Fire

(Who are you to lie to a God)
With his heart on fire.
(Waht would you do, just to lie, lie to die)
With your heart's desire

Go, go for the burn
Take a turn for the worse
And move your feet
Towards the heat
Unless your heart's a liar

Oh, my heart's on fire.
Oh, my heart's on fire.

(Who are you (?) words)
With your heart's messiah
(What would you do to prevent your getting hurt?)
When two hearts conspire

No (?)
Take a burn for the worse
A burn so sweet
We're talking superheat
Unless your hearts a liar

Oh, my heart's on fire.
Oh, my heart's on fire.

Mephistopheles: The other party ingredient that's missing of course, is music. One of the better ideas I have to say was music. I Studied that for a long time. I was there when it was first started- it was a scream in a cave. Turned into a low moan in a mud hut and plain song, gregorian chant, polyphonic, symphonic... syncopation, uh swing, jazz, rock-n-roll... but I have to say you can be judged quite critically, and quite legitimately- on the records that you have in your possession.

You play the wrong sucker at the wrong time, and you could wind up dead. You play Helen Reddy, and you could be ready to meet the firing squad. I think she must have really pissed off the God of adnoids at some time or another, I really think so.

Sasha Destill, you get your house burned down... and Mel Torme? It's a plague of locusts. I'll tell you. What you REALLY need it something that stirs the loins and those primal memories. Those courtship display dances that you used to do around a flickering fire.

It's weird, the gays always had the best fires. But you gotta do that... you gotta get back in the rhythm.. of life. Because it is the dance of life.

Song: Dance of Love

When you're hot and got that erotic feeling
There's only once dance when it's push comes to shove
It don't take long to get it when you got it get it healing
The name of the dance is the dance of love