The Richard O'Brien Crusade

Mephistopheles- Allow me to drink to your health, and wet my throat. I'm gonna tell you how touchy the Gods can be. This may well be of interest to collectors of ephemera, and I indeed believe that many of you here tonight may indeed be "ephemerate".

But uh, Lucifer was cast out of Heaven for loving God too much.

You probably didn't know that, did you. No, you got the dressed up
version, but the truth of the matter is, Lucifer was cast out of Heaven for
loving God too much, and cast out, forever.

Now I don't hear any heart-warming, tear-jerking, prodigal son and father story here, do you?

I'd like to know why the fuck not!

Plenty of fat cows in Heaven. You should see the legs on some of those
Baptists.

Well, Lucifer was cast out. I'm gonna tell you the real story, how it
really went down.

It was like this you see; now God and Lucifer, they used to hang around
together. They were close. Not that close that they became the subject
of gossip, you understand, but they were tight.

And uh, it was always understood, of course, that God indeed was the main man, who with alot, alot of help, made man. And then he, God, he
turned around to all the other angels, Lucifer included, and said that they now had to bow down to what he was now referring to as His Creation, that's you guys, with as much respect and love, as they had for him.

And Lucifer said (in a thick Bronx accent)"No. No fuckin' way." He said
"I love you like a fuckin' brother. Got a lot of respect for you, always fuckin' have, always fuckin' will, but you are where I draw the fuckin' line"

I'm negotiating the film rights on this particular tale, I'm thinking of Pacino or DeNiro, anyone known internationally, and uh, I actually haven't quite got this next scene uh, oh Tarantino's going to direct. Uh, I haven't quite got the dialogue of the scene yet, it's the scene where Lucifer turns round and says:

"You fuckin' lokk at me, you fuckin' look at me you fuck. Don't fuckin'
fuck with me you fuck. Look at my fuckin' face, look at my fuckin' eyes,
look in my fuckin' eyes, you fuck"

Something like that. It's not really worked out yet, but it's quite poetic,
isn't it.

So uh, yeah, that's what happened, and God turned round to Lucifer and he said "OK, Lucie, if that's the way you feel," he said "Take a hike. Sex and travel, fuck off."

Now you should've, now you probably didn't know that, but there is two
sides to every story, and uh, you should've known that, you should've realized that there was yet another tale to be told about that. Because what you do know is that History is a set of lies agreed upon. Of course
it is.

Take the story of your origins, for instance. The official tale is the one in Genesis.

But of course you evolved from primitive life forms. How else do you account for British Aristocracy?

But nobody knew. God included. No one had an inkling that you were going to develop an intellect. Let alone Mensa. But children grow up, don't they. They leave home, they become independent, and that is only right and proper.

I watched you guys. I was an animated force on this planet long before the dawn of man. Used to be trees and fields around here. I've watched you crawl from the primeval slime; fighting, eating, and screwing everything in sight; so no change there . . .I saw you you changed your little- I'll tell you when I liked you best, actually. I thought you were perfect when you were a cross between a jellyfish, and a kind of amoeba thing with a little bit of worm flowing through it.

It was a great look. You should have kept it.

But I watched you change your little gills for little lungs, little things for little legs and your scales for fur, and you were never happy.

And then you went and lost all your fur and went for the smooth and silky look. All of you that is, with the exception of [Brother Ecil] and
Robin Williams.

And then about 8 to ten thousand years ago, you started to really get yourselves organised; I don't know if you're familiar with the Siths, I was, they were little guys with Yak breath. Their body odor was a heavy mixture 'Eau De Sewer' and ten-day old Testosterone. Oh, whatever you call it. Shit and cum. If ever there was a market for 'Wash and Go', this was it.

The Siths, they lived on the Russian steps, they domesticated the horse, and then they swept across Europe, bringing into being those Indo-European languages that you mostly rejoice in today, one way or another.

I'm so glad that we're doing this in English, one way or another tonight.
Cause I'd hate to be doing this in Sith. It's an impossible language to rhyme for a start, you'd think all the songs were written by a dyslexic,
fat Canadian Devil Worshipper.

But the Siths, in their own way, they were responsible for the growth of
civilization, and with the growth of civilization you discovered the concept of culture, and with the concept of culture, you discovered the
concept of Art.

Art! Ahhhh . . oh!

Animals have always been very popular, haven't they, as subject matter.
But of course in those distant days that didn't have access to frames so they didn't have boxes in which to display them, and so they were reduced to painting in a graffiti fashion, on the cave walls.

There's a lot to be grateful for, isn't there.

Art, we love it to Hell in Hell. Oh yes uh, let me see uh, Cezánne, Lautrec, uh Beardsley uh, Edvard Munch (pronounced moonk)and many many others are all gathered together in a cafe in a section of the club. Edvard is still a little gloomy, but I find that rather sexy.

I posed for him once, you know. Edvard Munch, Scream-1893 (the gloomy artist in Club Inferno)

(imitates the Scream painting-at right)

Well, it was a day out! but I have to tell you, if you don't know Norway, the wind on that bridge was like a fucking knife. That's why I was going like this!

(makes the face again)

Really! I said "Can we hurry this up??"

There, it's gone. (one of his horns falls off) I'm gonna save that for the horn fairy. Yeah.

Café Sex is very groovy. Nice audience. Very Parisian. Only it hasn't got
the arrogance wrapped in an apron.

Uh, Yeah. Oh . . . music lovers will love the Club Inferno PLC, why do
I say that? Well, we've got- the best tunes. The Devil always did have
the best tunes, didn't he. Indeed he did, and now why is that? Because
he always had the best musicians, that's why.

The sixties and seventies were very good to us. We're very grateful.

Yes, a lot of them came down with [?] It was like Woodstock, but without the mud and the airheads. So it was great, the joint was jumping.

Oh, great concept, music, wasn't it. Organic and orgasmic, and I was
there for the beginnings of that, I was there when you discovered that
and how to use it, it started as a demented scream in a cave

"ahhh-ahhh . . ahhh"

Something like that- I paraphrased. And uh, it turns into a kind of low
moan in a mud hut-

"ooohoooh . . oooh..."

Uh, and that indeed turned into plain song, Gregorian chant, polyphonics, symphonics, syncopation, big-band, jazz, swing, rhythm and blues, oh, country, bluegrass, soul and good old rock'n'roll. And oh, you think the dance is hot and happening now, well you're wrong.

Because there was a time when your fore-fathers and mothers were in
a state of ecstasy. Barnet. They used to do these sexual, naked,
primitive display dances around a flickering fire.

Brother Michael, will you step forth please. Brother Michael's
going to tell you how you can re-capture that old magic. That dance of
life, that dance of love.

Give em Hell, Brother Michael, and make it hot.

Song- Dance of Love

(performed by Brother Michael)

When you're hot and got that erotic feeling
There's only once dance when it's push comes to shove
It don't take long to get it when you got it get it healing
The name of the dance is the dance of love